Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
