they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
