that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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