Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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