the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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