Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
