Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
