You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
