My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
