it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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