That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
