Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
