seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
