It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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