I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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