Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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