In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize