it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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