I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
