And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
