My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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