my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
