Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize