Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
