I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
