my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
