kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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