I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
