you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This is classic penis vs brain.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
