We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
