how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
