I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we made out on top of his cat.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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