your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The Olympian is in my bed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
