...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
