Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
