Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
