can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
