he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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