So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
