The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
