My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just want to make out with him forever
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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