awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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