I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize