well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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