the condom got lost in my hair
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
