My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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