Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
