I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
