So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
