True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
