so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize