if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
