I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
