I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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