It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
