i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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