she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
