i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
