Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
