Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
