Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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