Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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