mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
