True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize