I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
