I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
