I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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