Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
