why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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