Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
