I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
