Why is your signature on my underwear?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
