im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize