i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
