He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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