whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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