when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize