I skipped work to stalk him.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
