It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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