1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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