i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
