I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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