Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
