You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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