My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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