The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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