Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
the raccoons are back...
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