I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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