Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize