You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
