i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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