Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Houston, we have a squirter
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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