Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
