I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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