I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize