i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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