I cockslap morals
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The beer is more important than you right now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
