as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
