totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
