when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
